What’s the recipe for a good relationship? It is bringing two halves together to make a whole, or is it bringing two wholes together to create something powerful? Growing up, I was taught it was two halves making a whole and that your significant other completes you. This has been taught throughout generations, so many of us only bring half of ourselves into a relationship. What ends up happening is the dismantling of something that could have been happy and exciting.

When I married the first time, the excitement of just being married drew me. I was that little girl who believed in growing up, getting married, living in a house with a picket fence, having children, and living happily ever after was the way to go—not taking into consideration my maturity level and lack of knowledge about what makes a good marriage. Along with not knowing if there were things that I would like to do myself before rushing into this part of my life or if there were things that I needed to address spiritually, mentally, and physically so that when I go into this, I go into it knowing that I’m whole, complete, and ready for what lied ahead. Considering all of this could have made a huge difference in that marriage or helped me decide if I would have gotten married at all.

Marriage and being in a committed relationship are about bringing together two wholes to create something powerful. Both individuals need to bring 100% of who they are and desire to become into the arena and never feel like they must let go of any part of who they are to be something else, for someone else. One of the best decisions I made before getting married, the second and final time, was to take three years to rediscover ME and what I wanted out of life and relationships. I considered questions like; do I want to get married again? What would getting married again look like? What qualities do I want this other person to have? Will they allow me the freedom to be me and to shift when I need to, without making me feel like I don’t know what I want out of life? These, and I’m sure many more questions, presented themselves to me, and I entertained and responded to every one of them. It would be best if you had your own questions before you get into a serious relationship and not feel rushed by family and friends to live your life any differently. Here – https://breathetoinspire.com/questions-to-ask-yourself-before-getting-into-a-relationship/ are some questions that can help you consider what a committed relationship looks like.

Another crucial aspect of a good relationship is the mental state of an individual. This includes your mental state as well as the other person’s mental state. There are times when our past and present state can indeed affect how we interact with another person. I have seen time and time again when a person hasn’t dealt with their childhood situations or prior abusive relationships, and they go running into something they are not prepared for and are expecting this new person to be the answer to all of their problems, and when they are not, we want to place blame on them. This is not fair to the other person. If there are some issues that you need to address, please address them before entering any committed relationship. When I stated above that each person needs to bring 100% of themselves into a relationship, that means they have spiritually, mentally, and physically gotten to a place where they feel whole and secure in who they are and are now ready to allow someone else to come in and enhance what has already been made complete. If this means you or they need to go to therapy before making a commitment, then that’s what needs to be done. Whatever it takes to be fully who you are. Please don’t skip any part of the process; it will make a huge difference in the end.

Black love is powerful, it’s strong, it’s courageous, it’s beautiful, and it’s altogether lovely when entered into with the right motives and with all of your heart, mind, body, and soul.

“When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time” – Maya Angelou

A few questions to consider when entering a committed relationship:

• What is his or her relationship like with family and friends? – Healthy or unhealthy?
• If it is a man…What is or was his relationship like with his mother?
• If it is a woman…What is or was her relationship like with her father?
• Are their parents divorce or separated? Why? – If the parents are divorced, do they still have a healthy relationship with both parents? If not, why?
• What are their goals?
• Do they have a steady job, career, or business? If not, am I willing to carry them for the long term, or at least until they get find something stable?
• Here – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married are 18 more questions to consider. They say, before marriage, but these questions can be used before entering any committed relationship, married or not.

“I am grateful to have been loved, and to be loved now and to be able to love. Because love liberates.” — Maya Angelou